Dating After Divorce: Do Single Moms Face A Sexual Double Standard?
I was still married at the time, but my girlfriend wasn’t. At thirty-something, she was a veritable man magnet — smart, sassy and gorgeous. She was also divorced with two bright kids, an ex she couldn’t abide and a socializing style that gave new meaning to the phrase, “don’t get mad, get even.”
But her post-divorce dating habits? They caused me to raise an eyebrow.
What bothered me was the speed with which men moved in and out of her heart (and bedroom) and how that impacted her children. She did not hide her love life from her kids.In fact, she fell hard and frequently. She would introduce the latest Mr. Right to her family right away and typically progressed from dating to engagement to cohabitation over the course of a few months. When she grew disenchanted, Mr. Not Right Enough was voted off the island — and booted out of their lives.
There was generally another suitor in the wings to take his place — one more affair in which pacing herself in love wasn’t a consideration; even promising relationships were doomed to fizzle. She repeated this pattern for years.
I’d like to think I had no issue with her dating life per se. If anything, I was impressed — even more so when I found myself divorced and alone with my own young kids. I began to understand the pain of doing it solo and the desire for a sex life, a partner and someone to share the responsibilities of family. Yet looking back, I know what I felt was disapproval. And I ask myself if my opinion wasn’t unduly harsh. After all, women can be hyper-critical of other women, and we often make excuses for that all-too-common tendency.
So what was my problem? The number of her sexual liaisons, their brief shelf-life, or genuine concern that her kids were caught up in her revolving door of emotional attachments? Would I have found it more acceptable if my friend was simply sleeping around, without the pretense of turning a hook-up into a household presence?
Had she been a divorced man, would I have been equally judgmental? What about a widow or widower?
In my own post-divorce dating days, I almost exclusively went out with single fathers. To my surprise, I found myself introduced to young sons and daughters as early as second or third dates. It struck me as odd. Was it a Litmus test before things progressed further? Was it nonchalance about the extent to which a child knew of his dad’s private life? But I went out with them all the same, judgment free.
My socializing was sporadic, given that my children lived under my roof about 95 percent of the time. But there were no casual sleepovers with my kids present, and when a relationship emerged with the potential for becoming serious, I discussed it with my boys and introductions were made in what I considered an appropriate time frame.All Sexy Girls or companion in istanbul – istanbulescortgirl.net
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